Lawsuit-free since 9/14/05

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Threnody for Upward Bound

SLU Says, "Sorry, Toots-- Not Anymore."

[Editor's Note: The following is a poem written by an Upward Bound student about her experience in the SLU Upward Bound program. It is currently displayed on SLU's Upward Bound website as an example of past student work. Recently, SLU, apparently in the service of Mammon, canceled the program and passed it off to the already underfunded SUNY Canton, a move that will surely weaken the program as well as decrease the likelihood of lower-class North Country teenagers ever applying to a private University like SLU. We at TBOC! would like to say, "Thank you for everything, SLU."]

One world.
One school.
One group of friends.
One lost girl.
One missing identity.
One summer changed it all.
One change and my world is upside down.
One new life.
Many new directions to turn.
Many new people to know.
Many new friends.
Many new changes and things to do.
One new positive outlook.
One new person.
One found me.
Thank you for everything.

Anonymous Upward Bound Student, 2003

Friday, December 24, 2004

SLU Takes Back Its Campus-- From Poor Children

As most of our readers know, SLU recently cut funding for Upward Bound and the program will be forced to move its headquarters to SUNY Canton in the early Spring.

Why? The cash-strapped University may have been seeking to cut costs to provide greater services to its students. But according to this SLU press release "[f]unding from the U.S. education department covers approximately 92 percent of the program's costs, with the balance coming from institutional funds, New York State and the United States Department of Agriculture."

In plain English, Upward Bound cost the University virtually no money to run. So why the shift?

In a memo (issued in tandem with SUNY Canton President Joseph Kennedy), SLU President Dan Sullivan stated, "SUNY Canton is positioned extremely well to serve the Upward Bound Program, given its thoughtful and comprehensive services in remediation and its experience in the New York State version of this program, Liberty Partnership."

[One quick grammatical note for Sully and Jo-Jo-- the phrase "given its thoughtful and comprehensive services..." refers, in your statement, to the "Upward Bound Program" (its actual name is simply "Upward Bound"-- you don't have to capitalize "Program") rather than your intended institution, SUNY Canton. Read Take Back Our Campus! every day and learn a little something about the English language, kiddos.]

The word "remediation" is very curious. The word itself is a fairly recent invention, business jargon normally used when a corporation is forced to repair ecological damage caused by unlawful practices-- perhaps, in this case, the capitalist repression of education for the poor. The root is from "remedial"-- "concerned with the correction of faulty study habits." About both notions SLU freely (and sadly) admits it no longer cares and that a poorly funded SUNY college will better provide the service.

The Upward Bound program is (in the words of the frontispiece to SLU's Upward Bound page) "designed to generate in participants the skills and motivation necessary to complete high school and to enter and succeed in college." Indeed, what better way to encourage poor children to pursue academia than to let them know they are no longer welcome among the expensively manicured lawns of our private University? "Shush, dear, and wipe the dirt from your face. A mostly vocational school is a better option for you. SUNY Canton's Mortuary Science program is one of the better ones. And being poor, don't you deserve a career among the dead?"

The classist implications of the decision are clear. Rather than allow disenfranchised children to feel comfortable (for a few weeks each summer) at a private university, SLU decided to exorcise the entire program. Rather increase the likelihood that poor children would have the academic skills as well as the "audacity of hope" to apply to a private University, SLU has decided to relegate the waifs to the confines of an underfunded state school.

Rather than buck up the pittance required to run the Upward Bound program, what has our proud University spent its money on? Allow me to provide a few short examples:

First, the new Student Center-- $15 million and 60,000 square feet. The structure will remain unnamed until a donor provides $7.5 million, half the building cost. [I hope that one of my homophobic and functionally illiterate detractors (who can be found here and more recently here) gets his rich daddy to donate the money. I'd love to see the "Christian Evangelist is a Big Fucking Fag and Needs to Take It Up the Ass Student Center."--CE. In one of our rare points of agreement, I'd like to see that, too.--Ed.]

In the past few years, the SLU Board of Trustees has pledged $2 million as part of the Canton Initiative. The purpose of this initiative is to provide money for such projects of laughing importance as the Heritage Grist Mill Association. Money has also been pledged to "[n]ew parking and plans for expansion of parking" within Canton. Those last monies invoke the question-- in a town that requires barely fifteen minutes to walk from end to end, when has parking in downtown Canton ever been a problem?

As part of the same initiative, SLU has been more than happy to throw free money (and your tutition dollars) at for-profit businesses such as:

--The Partridge Den: the Canton home of overpriced bagels.
--Hackett's: A sporting goods store whose owners run very profitable franchises in both Ogdensburg and Massena.
--Shear Designs: A beauty salon for the terminally ugly and soulless.
--The Glass Onion: An establishment where faculty, administrators and rich students alike can get drunk without the company of the fearsome Canton "townies."

While terminating a program that encourages higher education for poor kids, SLU simultaneously gives mass amounts of money to those who would exploit the labor of those childrens' parents. It is heartening to know that SLU chooses to perpetuate the old adage-- the rich get richer while the poor get poorer.

Thursday, December 23, 2004


URGENT CALL FOR SUPPORT!!! (this call was submitted to TBOC! for posting by a recent SLU Alumn)

My friend Jamie (BORK) Loughner is currently sitting on a 5-story high ledge in City Hall in Washington DC. She climbed onto the ledge at 11 AM on Tuesday to protest the sale of the Randall School which was a homeless shelter in SW DC until Nov. 3rd when the Mayor closed it in preparation for selling the building to the Corcoran Art Museum. This is the most recent in a long series of actions aimed at reopening the Randall School Shelter, or getting a replacement in that immediate region. Bork is planning on staying on the ledge and continuing her hunger strike until the city agrees to open a viable alternative to Randall school shelter. Please support Bork and the DC Homeless community by sending a christmas card giving bork encouragement and showing city hall that the country is behind her!

(You can learn more by visiting www.maydaydc.mahost.org or www.dc.indymedia.org and looking at any post related to Randall School Shelter)

Sample Christmas Card to Bork...(this is just a quick sample i wrote, please alter and personalize as you feel fit!)

TO: Jamie Loughner: 1350 Penn Ave, fifth floor atrium, DC 20004

Dear Jamie (alternatively you can address her as “Bork”)

I just wanted to write and wish you a very Merry Christmas, I heard about your hunger strike on the Ledge at the Wilson Building and wanted to congratulate you on a fantastic job.

I would like to add my voice to yours and demand Mayor William's and the DC City Council immediately open a homeless shelter in Downtown South West DC to at the very least replace the 170 beds lost when they closed the Randall School Shelter on November third.

The first homeless person of the season recently froze to death on the streets of DC, and we must stand together to do everything we can to make sure no more share that terrible fate.


CITY, STATE (return address if you feel comfortable)

Monday, December 20, 2004

Faculty Spotlight: Brian Chezum

Name: Brian Chezum

Department: Economics

Title: Assistant Professor of Economics

Better Known as / Favorite food group: Cheese

Claim to Fame: Assaulted a young girl who was peacefully blocking a Hepburn door during the SAGE shut down protest against the IMF / World Bank. While there were two other entrances that most others chose to use, Cheese Stick chose to make his patented brand of pugilistic political statement by knocking over a young (and svelte!) girl barely past her eighteenth birthday.

Econ 101 with Chezum: “Minimum wage is the root of all evil.”
On Blacks: “They don’t know what’s good for them.”
On favorite fast food: “McDonalds' Big Mac with extra cheese.”
On practices of the billion dollar giant: “Where do most Blacks and minorities work? McDonalds, yes, that’s correct. “
On Unemployment: “It can be eradicated – we could employ all the blacks we wanted if only the minimum wage were brought down to $4 or something.”
On Solutions: “Who opposes minimum wage removals? Blacks. They’re the problem.”
On His Baseball bat: “Keeps them folks in line.”

What’s the rumor on the block? We asked 5 randomly selected SLU students and faculty (unedited):
“Cheese Doodles has no compunction about assaulting young co-eds.” – our beloved Christian Evangelist.
“Condescending prick.” – A fellow colleague.
“Very smart man.” – A Blonde.
“Jesus, he likes his cheese.” – A bulimic student traumatized by Cheese Crackers.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Petty's List

Marcia Lou Petty, better known as Cissy Petty to our campus, loves Jesus. In fact, the only thing she loves more than Jesus himself is making others love him too! Take Andrew Barron (left). Andrew used to be, in his own words, "a nice Jewish boy," observing Pesach, going to temple, and trying to decide if the whole "phylactery" thing was for him--but not anymore, thanks to our very own Cissy Petty!

The first person who told me about loving God was my Hebrew school teacher. I was 10 years old when I began attending cheder after school. We had a class of about 25 boys and girls which met twice a week. Our teacher was also the synagogue cantor. I don't remember his name but I do remember that he told us he loved God. I hadn't ever thought of God as someone to be loved.

Andrew may not remember the name of the first person who taught him about loving God, but he sure remembers Marcia's:

In college, I became friends with Dr. Cissy Petty. Cissy was the director of student activities and my boss. I did part-time office work to earn a little extra pocket money. One day she told me that Jesus was my Saviour. At first I thought she was crazy, but then I realized that she probably didn't realize who I was. Therefore, I informed her that I was Jewish, expecting that she would immediately realize her mistake. But she still thought that Jesus was my Saviour! ... She gave me a Bible towards the end of my senior year: the inscription was dated May 20, 1981. I accepted it only to avoid hurting her feelings.

Why wouldn't Andrew just give in to his savior's love? We're a naturally stubborn people, so perhaps it had something to do with a formative experience in his childhood. He relates, "Once I had visited a Catholic church and wondered if being there would somehow make me dirty." Of course, it wasn't being there that was dirty, just what inevitably happened while he was, assuming he went to confession. Having been raised Catholic, I can tell you that while most of the goys I knew may have been used to that kind of treatment, deep-throating and anal play are not things that come naturally to YHWH's Chosen Ones. They're much more into Leviticus than the Jesus folks.

Being the dumb shiksa that she was, Cissy never did get the whole "Jew" thing--but she did get Andrew Barron, who was, by the time, working for Martin Marietta (never let anyone tell you Jesus doesn't love nukes), thus saving him from an eternity of fire, brimstone, and overbearing Jewish mothers. Yes, thanks to Cissy Petty, the gentle gentile who put the O in Andrew's G-D, this poor soul is now free Friday nights to eat as much pork as he likes.

Andrew doesn't have as much time as he used to for building "space shuttles"; that is, not now that he's devoted his life to proclaiming the glory of Jesus.

Cissy had challenged me to think about spiritual matters. But somehow, it took other Jews who believed in Jesus to help me overcome my prejudices. When I realized I could be helping my people discover the Messiah, building space shuttles, exciting as it was, no longer seemed like a career for me. I can't be angry with people who tell me to get a "real job." If they'd just look to God with an open mind, they'd know that the job of proclaiming his Messiah is very real.

No, Andrew, it's not--unless your official title is Dean of Student Life.

What about you? Have you been converted by Dean Petty and want to share your witnessing experience? Email us at takebackourcampus@yahoo.com.

Shabbat Shalom, motherfuckers.

Friday, December 17, 2004

St. Lawrence University Cuts Program for Poor Kids

After Thirty Years, Upward Bound No Longer at SLU

Upward Bound, a tutoring and assistance program for underprivileged area high school students, will no longer be operating at St. Lawrence University as of January 15. At that time and in perpetuity the program will be managed (and ostensibly) funded by SUNY Canton. This recent development continues the ongoing trend of the administration cutting back academic programs and services, demonstrating its commitment to its mission of "provid[ing] an inspiring and demanding undergraduate education in the liberal arts to students selected for their seriousness of purpose and intellectual promise".

Now, St. Lawrence reveals the depth of its commitment to the community where it resides and improving the educational opportunities of the underprivileged. It is known to all that the North Country is the poorest region of New York State with St. Lawrence County one of the top two poorest counties in the state with a per capita income less than $17,000. It speaks volumes to the level of concern for this impoverished community that St. Lawrence University, an institution which costs more than double the per capita income of an average North Country resident, would abandon a program which assists poor area high school students with education.

To be fair, the St. Lawrence recently after thirty years of administering the program, discovered that a North Country state school would be "positioned extremely well to serve the Upward Bound Program". Meanwhile this wealthy private school is spending its supposedly perpetually ‘meager’ resources on important matters such as providing our Dean of Residential Life a new house, our administrators new office buildings in our multimillion boondoggle Student Center, and new SUVs for campus security. Of course these items are important to advancing a liberal arts education!

Transferring Upward Bound to the management of the State is also good idea judging by past experience with the State of New York trying to annually cut HEOP and other underprivileged student financial assistance programs. Constantly struggling for resources might be what our administrators mean by "positioned extremely well". In short, this is simply a more politically correct way of annihilating a program from existence. It would be poor public relations if the administration simply cut the program, instead they will transfer for it to the cash-strapped state with a history of cutting financial assistance for college education.

Congratulations are in order for the ingenuity of our administrators. It takes a lot of effort to find new and unusual ways to stick it to the underprivileged, and we all know the people of the North Country haven’t had enough kicks in the head.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Faculty Spotlight-- Steve Horwitz

Name: Steve Horwitz
Department: Economics
Title: Professor of Economics, Associate Dean of the First Year
Why Mike Owen and John Jaunzems Should Look Up to Him: After only fifteen years here, Horwitz is a full professor.
On Second Thought, Why No One Should Look Up to Him: His Rush fan page.
Description of Rush, Unintentionally Funny: "This is a band that plays rock that demands to be taken seriously."
Description of Rush, Childlike in Its Innocence: "They do indeed touch the heart."
Description of Rush, Slightly Erotic: "When Geddy sings (in 'Presentation'): 'Just think what we might do,' it sums up everything that 'touches' me about their music."
Description of Rush, Celebratory Sign-Off: "The love-in shall continue!"
Fun Fact About Horwitz: He has never read Norman Finkelstein's work, yet maintains it is anti-Semitic.
Bonus Fact: He will accuse you of being anti-Semitic at the drop of a hat. For example, if you're concerned about the neo-fascist impulses of the SLU Republicans, he'll probably call you anti-Semitic.
Extra Bonus Fact: He once referred to TBOC! contributor Christian Evangelist as a "narcissist."
Why Christian Evangelist Is Upset By This (unfortunately, in Christian's own words): "Horwtiz does not understand the Greek mythology he chose to employ. I am not in love with myself, as was Narcissus. Rather, I adore the online creation known as 'Christian Evangelist,' an arrogant grammarian and general know-it-all. If Horwitz bothered to read anything besides self-aggrandizing Libertarian tracts about the glory of the 'free market' (the market being 'free' only for capital and not for labor, a fact the Greek-ignorant Horwitz chooses to ignore) he would have properly invoked Pygmalion."
[Editor's Note: Why did we bother writing this? It's impossible to satirize a man whose Rush fan page is a parody of itself. We could have just linked to that and saved ourselves half an hour.]

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Faculty Spotlight-- Mike Owen

[This past summer, Take Back Our Campus published a number of Faculty Spotlights that we felt received too little attention. We are now reposting them. Gladly, we are newly accepting nominations for members of the faculty and administration who deserve his/her own Faculty Spotlight. Please e-mail us with gossip and reasons at takebackourcampus@yahoo.com.]

Name: Michael Owen
Department: Geology
Likes: Rocks, racial separation, governments controlled by white minorities, soil samples.
Dislikes: Leftists, most things that aren't rocks or white people.
Hobby: Staunchly defending the white race.
Other Notable Features: Hasn't published anything since the late 1980s. Consequentially, has yet to become a full professor after 21 years at SLU.
Best Moment: During a faculty meeting in the 1980s, SLU Professors voted to divest the University's holdings from the racist regime of South Africa. Dr. Owen rose and gave an impassioned speech against the anti-apartheid movement.
Why He Made the Spotlight: It's not like racism is a controversial issue. Most people are opposed to a legalized racial hierarchy. That's why TBOC is proud to spotlight those who, for some reason, aren't.
[Editor's note: It's good that Black people know geology is for virgins and losers-- otherwise they might have to take a class with Michael "Don't Criticize Apartheid" Owen.]

Contact Information:
Office: Brown 148
Office Phone: 229-5975
E-mail: mowen@stlawu.edu.

Monday, December 13, 2004

"Hearty" thanks in order

Who would have suspected we'd hear from Mr. Hearty again so soon? Relish these, dear readers, as I suspect we'll not be so entertained were Bush to "choke" on another "pretzel."

(Dramatization) Dear TBOC,
Thank you very much for the grammar lesson. I was quite surprised at your posting the email. I have no idea who you are but firmly believe that all persons are entitled to their beliefs, one of the great benefits of living in this country of ours. In fact i actually really do not have any connection to any political party and do not really get involved in the political scene. I did not vote in the recent election and really have very few opinions of George Bush or his counterparts. I hope you regarded my message as a joke, as did i when i sent it. I would greatly appreciate it if you removed my email from your site. Thank you very much.

J.J. Hearty

Dear J.J.,

We appreciate your hearty thanks. More than that, we appreciate the copious hearty laughter you have provided us with so generously, yet again. What separates your email from "a joke," as you suggest, is that jokes are *intentionally* funny. However, since your first email was such a great "joke," we've decided it stays.

Congratulations, J.J. You've just taken your first inadvertent, but appropriately "hearty" step into the "political scene."

Sugar & spice,

We heard back from J.J. sooner than we expected, but were a bit confused by a sudden change of heart. His initial email was a joke no more. Our own Christian Evangelist scratched his chin, paused, and exclaimed, "Backtracker!"

Dear TBOC,

Touche. What is evident to me is that my name is public and your is not. I would gladly support you keeping my letter up, and whatever else you want to print if my name is removed, or you reveal who you are. The fact is that my comments came off as a lot more ignorant then i intended them to be, you can say i was just trying to "fuel the fire." If you actually knew me you would see that i was not actually backtracking in the previous email but telling the
truth. In response to your post script, i had no previous knowledge of your website before the list of people was published and a bunch of people pointed it out to me.

J.J. Hearty

Dear J.J.,

You aren't in a position to bargain. The letter stays. Question: Just how ignorant did you intend your comments to be? To be sure, they expressed an ignorance at least as "hearty" as your name.

Cuddly Kittens,

Sunday, December 12, 2004

We Get Letters! We Get Lots and Lots of Letters!

To all our kind readers—
We recently received a letter (via e-mail at takebackourcampus@yahoo.com) that was simply too humorous not to print. The epistle was from the wonderfully named J.J. Hearty, a boy with some strong opinions whose rather Dickensian surname attests to his large amount of cardiac rather than cranial muscle.
Dear waste of space on the internet,
Exactly why are you trying to take back this campus? It does not belong to you. This college has long stood as a pillar/beacon of education success for rich kids. If you want to leave so bad i will have my father write you a check to where ever you want to go. Why dont you stop wasting your time on your stupid internet sight and go get a job. I voted for bush in 04, i will remain conservative for the rest of my life, and am proud to say that those people that say money is the root of all evil don't have any. I am appalled that i am not on your internet site.
J.J. Hearty
It never ceases to astonish me that the favored sons of America cannot speak or write a recognizable and correct form of English. “Education” is easily conjugated into its adjectival form with the simple addition of “al.” Similarly, “bad” can be made into a correct adverb if it is accompanied by “ly.” Hearty’s sporadic capitalization and lack of apostrophes and hyphenation will go unmentioned, except in my previous clause. I will recommend that he add a question mark to his interrogative sentences, such as “Why dont (sic) you stop wasting your time on your stupid internet (sic) sight (sic) and go get a job. (sic)”

As a grammarian, I disagree with Hearty’s statement “those people that say money is the root of all evil don’t have any.” Hearty’s sentence clearly implies (as the pronoun “any” refers to his noun “evil”) that “those people that (sic) say money is the root of all evil” don’t “have” any “evil.” The exact metaphysics of the sentence (that any person could “have” “evil”) make my head spin. Can a person “have” “evil”? As a diligent student (though not adherent) of the (sometimes conflicting) works of Kant and Hegel, I still have trouble making any construction of a human “hav[ing]” “evil.” For a better discussion than I can provide, I recommend Peter Singer’s latest book, The President of Good and Evil, the introduction to which goes into detail about President Bush’s use of “evil” as a noun rather than an adjective.

However, even sans the language needed to construct a coherent sentence, I still understand the intended meaning of Hearty’s sentence. If my interpretation is correct, I must inform him that even people without money are still people. He should employ the nominative “who” rather than the objective “that.” Hearty, with the predictable callousness of his class, probably disagrees with me.

But my favorite part of the letter was the "pillar/beacon of education (sic) success" conundrum. Hearty, with his hearty amounts of privilege and (almost certainly) private schooling, could not choose which awful cliche he wanted to use. Ignoring redundancy, he decided to use them both.

J.J. Hearty, be "appalled" no more. Both your missive and your hatred of the lower classes have found their way into the hallowed letters of Take Back Our Campus. Please write again soon.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

We’ve Found...Conservatives

We’ve Found...Conservatives

What should you do with this list? You should protect yourself from these individuals. They might be armed with legal assault rifles among other things.

Stay safe and stay protected,

Kevin Ackley
Stephanie Marie Adams
Nick Alena
Nathaniel Amendola
Harold Anderson
Allison Avrich
Lyndsey Bacon
Wesley Ballantyne
Tripp Bartlett
Brandon Bates
Derek Benavides
Megan Bernier
Sara Bernier
Aaron Blair
Megan Bosch
Liz Boyd
Jasper Burch
Peter Burke
Tucker Burr
Cooper Carbone
Adam Casler
Drew Clancey
Michael Colmo
Jason Condro
Bill Courtney
James Cox
Brent Davis
Deana M. Dennis
Amanda Dudley
Christopher Ebinger
Ryan Edmonds
Christian Ehrhardt
Kate Farrell
Jared Furnia
Colby Gargano
Shawn H. Golley
Megan Groves
John Gursky
Justin Haacke
Rachel Hall
Brandy Hearn
Audrey Hillman
Phil Hollinger
Eric Holtz
Carla C. Hunter
Brett Huras
Joe Jablonski
Chapin Jacob
Jay Jacobs
Christian Jock
Kristin Kacewicz
Michael Kaplan
Robyn Kennedy
Evan Kivlen
Paul Kloek
Danielle Kmetetz
Drew Kolb
Francie Krebs
Marty LaVigne
Tim Leroy
Josh Lynch
Tim Malisa
Jay Manning
Monica Marois
Frank Mastrovito
Shawn Mayo-Pike
Kathryn McAndrews
Lauren McGovern
Kelly Meisch
James Merrill
Chris Motta-Wurst
Ashley Mousley
Lindsay Muetterties
Michael M. Murray
Kim Myers
Wes Oakford
Eric Osborn
Caroline Palmer
TJ Rance
Mary Rogers
Michael Romagnoli
Charlie Roraback
Marrielle Van Rossum
Tanya Rotolo
Charles Rouse
Andrew Ruhs
Mallorie Rulison
Karen Salek
Katherine F. Schaumburg
Jake Shea
Peter Snedeker
Jonathan C Solomon
Chris Summers
Eileen Svendsen
Cynthia Thorburn
Majken Tranby
Mia Vachon
Joe Vele
Matt Vredenburgh
Chris Wall
Liz Wardell
Melissa Wells
Lindsey Wetmiller
Michael Wetzler
Ashley White
Michael Wieneke
Mary Beth Wood
Wescott Woodacre

Monday, December 06, 2004

We have a new favorite band!

TBOC! brings you a very special article from the other home on the net of ethical abhorrence.

Go on and ask yourself, what could be cuter than Mary-Kate and Ashley? Well, how about if they played folk music? Not only that, how about if they were white supremacists? It is in this spirit that I give you Prussian Blue.

The girls (Lynx and Lamb) took the name for their duet after the color of the residue left behind in the gas chambers from Zyklon-B canisters. Totally cute, right? What's even cuter is the interview that National Vanguard--the press arm of the National Alliance--did with them about their new album. In it, our two Aryan princesses explain the meaning behind some of the songs off their new album, Folk the System. You see, most of the songs are not original, but rather clever folk adaptations of hatecore tracks by bands like RaHoWa (Racial Holy War) and Skrewdriver, like the song Victory Day. That track, the girls say, "was origionally recorded by Rahowa. My mom said she always thought that it should be sung by children. This is one of Matt Hales favorite songs and we think of him when we sing it. We trade off singing on this one and both sing on the chorus."

Another doubtless classic is the track Sacrifice, a song that "is an original that Lamb wrote with our mom. It talks about the sacrifice that so many men have made for their race. We mention Ian Stuart, Rudolph Hess, Bob Mathews and Dr Pierce. It is sung from a perspective that it is in the future and our Cause has been successful. Lamb sings the main part and Lynx sings on the chorus." Can this shit get any cuter? So cute it would make Hitler weep and/or pop a tent pole! Check out the track Victory (not to be confused with Victory Day), which is, according to Lynx, "a song that Lamb wrote all by herself. the song is set in the future when we have won."

You can read the whole interview for yourself here. If there's one thing you can glean from it, it's that they get a whole lot of ideas and support where they should: their mother! Also known as "Odin's Shieldmaiden," Lynx and Lamb's mom is a regular on the Stormfront messageboards. In fact, that's the place where she broke the news about their name. Unfortunately, no one told the other band already using the name Prussian Blue.

Ultimately, no one can tell where this musical life will lead Lynx and Lamb, but I sure know where I'd like to see it lead. It can be summed up in two magnificent words: snuff porn.

I now leave you with a few words of wisdom from the girls themselves: "A lot of young people like to dress in a way that gets them attention because they don’t know any other way to feel proud of themselves and special. Sometimes the way they dress doesn’t make them look as attractive or handsome as they could be. We think that they should work to look as good as possible by working out and dressing nice to show that people who are White Nationalists are not scary, but good people. The way that you look and act is activism in a way because you represent your family your beliefs and your race. You are a walking talking advertisement and our young people are the best advertisement so they need to realize this."

(c)opyleft 2004 protestboy

Get your own damned blog

Some of our readers think we're too cynical here at TBOC!, and feel we should be running things a tad differently. Yet, not one of these readers ever sends us a submission despite our frequent attempts at soliciting an alternative perspective. That's why today I took the 67 seconds required to set up a blog just for you, dear unhappy readers. It's a place for you to respond to TBOC!, or, if you like, just tell it like it is: SLU is actually a great place! You can find your blog at EverythingIsFineAtSLU.blogspot.com.

Just let me know which one of you bad boys or girls wants to be the first to sign on, and I shall promptly turn over the keys to the kingdom. Anyone?

Sunday, December 05, 2004

A few error-riddled words from "Outsider"

(The part of Outsider will now be played by Anthony Trollope circa Barchester Towers) I’ve now won four bottles of wine since my initial comment here and I’ve yet to even apply myself to the wagers. It’s not that you’ve intentionally made it easy on me, you’ve simply conformed to the same stereotypes that have done what you think you’re doing for generations.

There’s no “our” in campus as far as you’re concerned. The campus is what it is, and it continues to evolve, thanks to the people who decide they’ll be a part of the community. It never was yours to take back, and no one’s giving it to you based on the pabulum you offer here. You can’t even live by your own rules when someone gets under your skin.

...The guys playing Beirut and the girls shaking their heads but watching them; the women who are raising the feminist consciousness on campus; the hockey players who are attempting to be more than hired mercenaries; the Thelmo senators who give their time to the necessary minutia of sustaining a community; the SLU Democrats and Republicans who believe the world isn’t a collections of subtle shades of gray and aren’t afraid to acknowledge it; the Outing Club members who take advantage of a once in a lifetime chance to experience the North Country, the theater people who provide incredible and largely ignored art; the singing groups who connect with tradition to as an opportunity to enjoy their collective talents; and all the other factions, groups, cliques and individuals who define our campus. It’s theirs, not yours. You’re not taking it back; they continue to grow it, and live real lives, without you....

...They write, produce, direct and act in the daily productions that define SLU for what it is, and what it will become. You, on the other hand, are those two guys who show up on syndicated TV late at night – you know when you’ve had that shot of tequila you should have passed up and that’s why you’re watching cable instead of sleeping toward a hangover- who give their thumbs up or down to the latest movies.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

SLU GOP endorses WRC, WAG

CANTON, NY -- Even less expected than the recent consolidation of the SLU Republicans with the Dems was an announcement that came early this morning from the SLU GOP regarding the haus fraus of the WRC. In light of the decision by the WRC not to feature a speaker from Planned Parenthood, the SLU Republicans have formally announced their endorsement of both Take Back The Night, and the WRC/WAG (formerly FMLA).

Questions remain as to why this endorsement was made on the weekend. Critics suspect it is because most people do not follow the news over the weekend, making it an opportune window of time in which to bury a lead, a tactic of which the Bush administration has always been fond. One can only speculate that SLU GOP were merely trying to emulate their great leader, although we may never know for sure.

President of the SLU GOP, Evan Kivlen, announced the decision early this morning. In the statement, he said, "We were very encouraged by the decision of those organizing Take Back The Night to no include a speaker from the genocidal baby-killers of 'Planned Parenthood.' As with the SLU Democrats, we realized that coalition-building is the way of the future, and we wish nothing more than to continue this constructive policy for the betterment of the campus."

Kivlen continued, "We Republicans have much in common with the fine gals at the WRC, like our love of vibrators, booze, and knitting. More importantly, we understand and identify with the fundamental position of the WRC and WAG, that it's not what you believe that makes you a feminist, but rather having lock-n-loads, promoting identity politics, listening to Ani DiFranco, and knowing that women have both the ability and the God-given right to be just as domineering and brutally exploitative in our modern society as men."

TBOC! has still not been able to reach the WRC for comment as of the publication of this article.

More to follow.

Friday, December 03, 2004

Take Back the Night? First Take Back the WRC

The evening of Saturday, December 4, a Take Back the Night rally sponsored by the Women's Resource Center is scheduled on the SLU campus. Strangely, the event will feature a banner made by the massively homophobic and anti-abortion (as anyone privy to their list-serv knows) MASV ("Men Against Sexual Violence"-- a bold stand for those young Christian knights. Perhaps they could next be convinced to condemn child abuse or something equally controversial).

The march after the event will feature chanting around campus. However, the groups will not approach any fraternity houses or even bars, both sites of likely sexually assault. Why? The party-loving co-eds of the Women's Resource Center wanted to keep the event "non-political." Indeed, the rally neglects (well, worse than "neglects"-- see below) that the right to abortion/privacy should be counted among the rights afforded to women.

The Women's Resource Center rejected a speaker for the event, declaring her "too political." The speaker, an employee of Planned Parenthood, wanted only to briefly lecture on reproductive rights in light of the younger Bush's reelection. (Or perhaps his first election.)

When we first wrote about this, many WRC "feminists" were extremely upset. For any readers new to the issue, we can gladly provide the following links to our articles tracking the controversy:

Women's Resource Center? Define "Resource"

Recent Challenge to Reproductive Rights

A Reply to My Critics-- Part I

A Reply to My Critics-- Part II-- When Did Feminism Become "Politically Neutral"?

We encourage all our readers to attend the rally and remind the ladies of the Women's Resource Center that the lack of abortion rights (to use our more accurate term, "forced pregnancy") is a brutal form of sexual violence featuring a 6-9 pound object being forced out of a woman's vagina without her consent, indeed a very bloody act.

Wear your "Roe v. Wade" shirts, make signs reading "Forced Pregnancy = Sexual Violence" and do whatever you might to make the rally attendants understand that the right to abortion is an integral part of the continued campaign against sexual violence. It is sad that the students of the Women's Resource Center, ostensibly the SLU home of feminist politics, so deeply kowtow to the religious Right.

After this, our dear readers, please march and chant around the frats and bars.

Update (12/4/04, 1:15 p.m.)--
Dear radicalfeminist--

Have I mentioned how ironic your name is? I laugh every time I see it.

By listing off the "accomplishments" of the WRC, you've made my point for me. The whole of the WRC's contribution to campus has been to take the money they were given by the administration and give this money to people who wanted to go to Massachusetts and Washington.

You mention these trips regarding my "criticism that the WRC does not support education of abortion" (your clunky words). Quite the contrary. The WRC has always been willing to involve itself in the issue of reproductive rights, especially when the involvement features free vacations to Massachusetts and Washington.

I appreciate that the WRC is "working against an unreceptive community." (Listen, toots-- if you think you have it tough, try having the administration hold secret meetings to uncover your identity so they can expel you.) But I have yet to see any attempts "to educate the campus on a number of issues," unless you count WRC "Lock'n'Loads" and "White Trash" themed parties as education. Even your Take Back the Night programming panders to the lowest common denominator of the religious Right.

Speaking of which, MASV is donating a banner to the Take Back the Night rally. Did you have to assure them you wouldn't mention anything about abortion? The fact that the WRC does not consider forced pregnancy to be sexual violence and backs away from any (even potential) controversy about reproductive rights suggests that you ladies would play very nicely with the contrite little virgins of MASV. Maybe the two groups can have a dance together and then go steady and exchange class rings and kiss on the lips without any tongue. And if any controversy does arise, you can always bury yourself in your boyfriend's letter jacket.

Call me when you learn what it means to be a feminist.

VH1 shares a very special sneak peek with TBOC! contributors

If there's one thing we like at TBOC! besides miscegenation, it's a good episode of VH1's popular series, Behind the Music. And so, dear reader, you can only imagine our surprise when we found that SLU's own Jake Shea would be the subject of one of the coming episodes in 2005. Indeed, it was an experience akin to Christmas morning (or in this contributor's case, one of the many mornings of Channukah).

At first, we didn't get it. "Jake doesn't perform any music," we conferred amongst ourselves. So we decided to contact VH1, who were kind enough to speak to us. The program's executive producer told us, "You see, lately we've been shifting away from our focus on the whole 'the music' part of the show's title. That's not really why people watch. Mostly it's just about all the drugs people use, and, well, more of the white stuff has gone up Jake's nose than Eric Clapton, David Crosby, and Rick James combined." She continued, "As with every episode, we'll follow the format of drug addiction, to overcoming the addiction, to relapsing into the addiction, to overcoming it yet again, and finally to becoming a preacher/family man/music producer/figure on our other show 'Where Are They Now.'"

VH1 not only allowed us to speak with the producers of the program, but also granted us permission to see a sneak peek. In one portion, an interview with Deana Dennis, Dennis relates one time not so long ago, when Shea approached her asking if she could root out some nose candy for him. "I tipped him off to some girl in the I-House," Dennis recalls. "Turns out my tip wasn't so good, and the girl told him to 'go away,' and then basically slammed the door in his face."

One SLU alum who lived in the same hall in '03/'04 as Shea's girlfriend is also featured in the program. In one of the episode's more memorable moments, she relates a frightening experience in which Shea went on an apparently extreme coke binge, shooting off the fire extinguisher on the floor. "When Security found out about the fire extinguisher, they told us they were going to fine the entire floor for it since Liz's boyfriend wouldn't come forward and admit it was him." Shea never did come forward to admit guilt.

In one of the most comical moments, one current student recalled how Shea stole the giant stuffed M&M that was being raffled off by the Pub. Pub workers, it seems, were rather unhappy about the affair. "I'll return it," she heard him say to someone on a cellular phone. "Of course I didn't really believe him," the girl says, "It's like he always said, though: 'Rules don't apply to me. I can buy my way out of trouble.'"

But could he? From trouble over his marks to that over a racist email ("Big Black... Boat") he sent to the Crew listserv that got earned him a stern reprimand by the coach, Shea's time at St. Lawrence, albeit brief, has been surrounded by controversy. Unfortunately, this is where our sneak peek ended--without resolution, but with a cliffhanger.

"What about the final recovery where he becomes a preacher or something, like Hammer?" we asked after viewing what progress had been made on the episode thus far. "Umm," said the executive producer, "are you f***ing kidding? We haven't even gotten to his first recovery yet."

The folks at VH1 are predicting the episode will be one of the most highly anticipated of the season. To be sure, we can't wait either--but we can sure waste our time while we do.

To Our Fond Friend at IP Address--

Interestingly enough, IP addresses show up in our comments. You just don't see them. Thus, when you make a comment impersonating a contributor, we not only know it's not us posting--we know it's you. Any such comments will be deleted, except when the reader know as "Outsider" impersonates himself. Our normal editorial policy is to leave any comments unaltered. This policy will remain.

To our eager little pippins too willing to impersonate us-- we know the IP addresses from which you post. We know the times at which you post. Are there any secrets about you, which you thought none would ever find?

c_d & CE

P.S. To all our readers-- stay tuned for our next post. All that is cryptic will become concrete.

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Porn Gets Progressive

As a young man, the (extremely pale, though not thin-lipped) online persona known as "Christian Evangelist" didn't know absolutely everything about anything, as he now does. At the tender age of nineteen, when he began a romance with a Trinidadian model, he was confronted with a rather difficult question-- How should a man kiss a woman whose lips are bigger than his?

At first, he looked to his regular source of all proper information about politics, religion, economics, literature, etc.-- hardcore pornography. However, with the exception of a few Max Hardcore scenes (which he found baffling at best), he remained bewildered. However, the young Christian Evangelist quickly learned to love the feeling of submission in having his lips and tongue virtually swallowed by a woman's kiss, but only after a few flusters. Luckily, this unbecoming behavior will never have to be suffered by any man (and hopefully, suffered even less by his patient Caribbean girlfriend).

The adult film star Vanessa Blue (featured in the above picture and known in her directorial roles as Domina X) has recently signed a contract with Hustler to produce a series of videos featuring starlets such as Jada Fire, Chloe Black and Carmen Hayes.

The aim of the videos (as well as Vanessa Blue's web site, FemDomX.com)? "[C]reating a destination for an audience appreciative of the sexually aggressive ethinic female," according to the Adult Video News.

"I'm interested in videos where a woman-- real women with curves and big breasts-- can show what she's going to do with a dick.... What I strive to do when I direct is to empower the female performers in my scenes to take control and do what turns them on," Blue said in an interview with the Adult Industry News.

"As a performer turned director," Blue stated to the Adult Video News. "I believe in shooting the sex that was never allowed to have on camera-- female superior."

We at Take Back Our Campus enjoy that some bold persons are still willing to practice the sin of Lilith. We are charmed and made hopeful by the on-screen depictions of Afro-Caribbean, Latina and Asian women sexually dominating White men. We hope much success for Ms. Blue in her endeavors.