Something's Rotten in the State of Denmark

In the first scene of Hamlet, three soldiers in the company of a nobleman encounter a ghost. Marcellus implores, “Thou are a scholar; speak to it, Horatio.” Yet the scholars of SLU, while speaking much about us, have not bothered to speak to us.

One example-- a SLU administrator informed us that the distinguished deans of St. Lawrence University recently held a meeting with the persons of the Student Life office. The purpose of the meeting (which, it should be mentioned, occupied far too many work-hours of those whose salaries are paid by the ever-increasing SLU tuitions) was to figure, with all the collective intelligence (in the less flattering “agent/enemy” conception of the word rather than the “cognitive ability” understanding) available, exactly who is in charge of the internet-facetiae known as “Take Back Our Campus!.” Needless to say, we now know every detail of the meeting, but we ask that you invite us next time.

However, we must offer one correction to the administrative huddle— the Svengali (to borrow from du Maurier) of the site is not the Canton native and SLU alum (albeit a transfer student) to whom you have given credit. This does a disservice to the many who have worked hard to establish a readership among the notorious bibliophobes at Saint Lawrence University.

To the kind administrators of St. Lawrence University—our source (primary, no less!) is one of the attendees. We beg of you-- please affect a McCarthyite stance and immediately dismiss and/or ostracize the person who may have done such a disloyalty as to inform the foxes of the hunt. One caveat—as most of you have occasional liberal/left stances, you may find yourselves with closeted sympathies toward our site. This will serve to make your knives all the longer, as the role of university administrator is normally played by Janus-faced sycophants.

Please begin your search for the administrator who e-mailed us about the proceedings. Dig deep into you memories—who at the meeting seemed shifty? Who seemed too eager to denounce the left? Who said nothing at all? Suspect all of them.

If such things are fuzzy, know that rosemary is for remembrance. We have no doubt that your entire escapade will end as Hamlet.

Full of pansies? Send us your thoughts at takebackourcampus@yahoo.com.