TAKE BACK OUR CAMPUS!

Lawsuit-free since 9/14/05

Monday, April 04, 2005

Election Debauchery Like It's November 2000!

In case you've been living under a rock, or simply delete listserv e-mails indiscriminately, there's an election going on for the Thelmo position of Student Delegate to the Board of Trustees. For more information on the position, look no further than the official Thelomathesian website (and you have to love that hi-tech sound the flip-down sign makes). In summary, this person sees to it that the student body gets to hear what goes on at the Board of Trustees' treehouse meetings.

To quote Adam Sandler from The Wedding Singer, "WHOOPIDY DOOOO!"

Currently, a select handful of students are running for the position, from liberal sissies to right-wing nut jobs. But, like an episode of The OC, it wouldn't be complete without drama, sexual tension, drinking, surfing, and the like. Well, not the last few on the list, but it gets good. First, we saw Jason DeRosa disqualified for his campaign manager, not himself (he's in D.C.), circulating campaign fliers via our CMRs. The rules clearly state that there is no circulation of campaign materials allowed in the Student Center. Whoops.

So, after the math, nine minus one, and we're down to eight. But wait! Someone threw the challange flag. Upon revisitation of the rules, the campaign manager isn't mentioned in the rules, and the decision became at the discretion of... uh oh. Wait, let me check my facts again. Oh right, Adam W. Casler. So DeRosa was allowed back in, pending a vote this coming Thelmo meeting.

Now, what are the chances we'd see two disqualifications in a few short days? Better than you'd think, actually.

But first, I wish to discuss an epiphany I had sitting behind the slightly-radioactive screen of my computer. What can be done in 19 seconds? Once, I tried eating as many Saltines as I could in 60 seconds, and it took about 19 seconds for me to realize I wasn't going to pull it off. Similarly, ask any attending physician in the emergency room of any hospital, 19 seconds can be the difference between life and death. In this instance, 19 seconds was the grounds for disqualifying Carla Hunter herself from the election.

To summarize what was passed down to the Larrys and Muffys of SLU by the Thelmo election board, she was disqualified for using a SLU logo on her campaign materials (specifically, part of a parking pass) and not knowing the value of 19 seconds. In the campaign rules, every candidate is allowed a certain number of e-mails distributed via the "listserv" system that can potentially reach every student on campus. To directly quote, "[a]ny new placement of campaign material (visual, physical or e-text) after 11:59 on the eve of the commencement of the election" is prohibited. If you've ever tried sending e-mails out this way, it takes time for those e-mails to go through. She would have been in the clear if it was time-stamped by 11:59:59 Sunday evening, Eastern Standard Time.

12:00:18. Oops.

So now we have the problem of actually taking her (sic) name off the ballot. For anyone who doesn't go to Thelmo meetings every Wednesday like some of us feel this sense of obligation to do, we dropped a few G's on this glorious sytem called eBallot that was supposed to be available to all clubs and organizations. As seen before in last year's election scandal, eBallot is garbage. It's full of bugs and, at first, did not allow voters to NOT vote for particular candidates. Plus, it was inaccessible to Thelmo-recognized clubs and organizations. This year, tech support couldn't make a new ballot sans Carla Hunter's illustrious name or simply revise the old one, we're back to PEN AND PAPER. Jeb Bush himself couldn't have planned this one out.

What's next, literacy tests?

If you feel this has gone too far, go talk to your Thelmo senator , they're your voice in the established representative government we have here at SLU. Tell them you think the voting process needs to be revisited, and tell them the drain in the 2nd shower on the 3000 floor of Sykes is clogged again. Make sure you vote this week, too.

Until next time.

SLUVigilante@yahoo.com (your e-mails will never be shared with anyone without your permission)