TAKE BACK OUR CAMPUS!

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Saturday, December 04, 2004

SLU GOP endorses WRC, WAG

CANTON, NY -- Even less expected than the recent consolidation of the SLU Republicans with the Dems was an announcement that came early this morning from the SLU GOP regarding the haus fraus of the WRC. In light of the decision by the WRC not to feature a speaker from Planned Parenthood, the SLU Republicans have formally announced their endorsement of both Take Back The Night, and the WRC/WAG (formerly FMLA).

Questions remain as to why this endorsement was made on the weekend. Critics suspect it is because most people do not follow the news over the weekend, making it an opportune window of time in which to bury a lead, a tactic of which the Bush administration has always been fond. One can only speculate that SLU GOP were merely trying to emulate their great leader, although we may never know for sure.

President of the SLU GOP, Evan Kivlen, announced the decision early this morning. In the statement, he said, "We were very encouraged by the decision of those organizing Take Back The Night to no include a speaker from the genocidal baby-killers of 'Planned Parenthood.' As with the SLU Democrats, we realized that coalition-building is the way of the future, and we wish nothing more than to continue this constructive policy for the betterment of the campus."

Kivlen continued, "We Republicans have much in common with the fine gals at the WRC, like our love of vibrators, booze, and knitting. More importantly, we understand and identify with the fundamental position of the WRC and WAG, that it's not what you believe that makes you a feminist, but rather having lock-n-loads, promoting identity politics, listening to Ani DiFranco, and knowing that women have both the ability and the God-given right to be just as domineering and brutally exploitative in our modern society as men."

TBOC! has still not been able to reach the WRC for comment as of the publication of this article.

More to follow.

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