TAKE BACK OUR CAMPUS!

Lawsuit-free since 9/14/05

Monday, November 08, 2004

Post-election hangovers?

Dear SLU GOP,

Ahoy, fuckers! We know. Hangovers are tough. And nothing's worse than a coke hangover. But what are you going to do now? A showing of the ultra-hack "Fahrenhype," pre-election? That's the best you can do after practically having an entire semester now to advance the neofascist agenda? Jackboots everywhere are counting on you! That's why we've come up with a list of suggestions for activities you might undertake. You know, if you have the time between binges.

1. Get a website. Isn't it about time you joined the digital age? And with all the advances in technology over the past few years, even folks who are barely functionally literate can have a site too. Fuck, even Beta could set up a website if they set their collective mind to it. We like Blogger because it's easy to manage, but if you need some suggestions, just email us at takebackourcampus@yahoo.com. We'll hook you up, yo.

2. Invite some more speakers. We admit, Dan Flynn will be hard to top, since the means to rebuild a bionic Adolf Hitler from DNA samples doesn't exist yet. We hear D'Souza came once. Maybe you could get him. Or even Ann Coulter, or even Bernie Goldberg! They would totally dig you guys. Oh, and the word on the streets is that Matt Hale is pretty open for booking if you're really in a rut.

3. Maybe a new fashion statement. Instead of all that J. Crew shit, try black shirts or jumpsuits. We hear 1938 is where it's at. As an added bonus, it would really raise your profile on campus, which, you have to admit, has been slipping a little, lately.

4. Lynchings. Those always get attention. Just think of all the trees on campus that are going needlessly to waste even as you read this. Isn't it about time to put theory to action?

5 (and lastly). School work. We hear some of you aren't doing so hot. If you're not going to even try with your own organization, you might as well not bother. Put those energies where they need to be! You can even use the white stuff as a sort of, you know, carrot. You get some work done, you have a little sniff. Do some more, and another one. You get the idea. By the end of the night, you'll have memorized the works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Thomas Friedman, and have the worst nosebleed of your life to prove it!

That's all for now. But if you can think of anything better, do let us know. Be creative! Perhaps the comments for this post will draw yet more suggestions. Best of luck, assholes!

Much Love,
The TBOC! Editorial Board

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