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Lawsuit-free since 9/14/05

Friday, November 19, 2004

Cissy's right-hand man wants love; blacks, Asians, need not apply

Submitted for your consideration:


The Shawn-Eric Brooks we all know.


The Shawn-Eric Brooks who lives "in the light" but loves to "play in the dark."

One Shawn-Eric is the milquetoast, dressy administrative figure. The second Shawn-Eric is the younger, handsome, hard bodied, nipple-pierced, tattooed, bearded creature of the night who dons, it seems, no clothing at all, known to Match.com users only as "northcountrydoc." (We must admit, we think the second picture much more flattering.) Yet, both are the same Shawn-Eric Brooks. Will the real Shawn-Eric Brooks, then, please step forward?

It's amazing what you can learn about someone through their online dating profile. For instance, did you know Shawn-Eric loves "I Love Lucy"? We didn't. And while from a passive glance at the photograph of Shawn-Eric's studly alter ego, one might not deduce that while he loves the athletic, he's "not a gym rat."

It is evident from his profile that Brooks is not only a man of culture ("[I]nterests include reading and, (sic) movies," "I usually have 2-3 books working at the same time... 'The Power of Now'. 'A Course in Miracles', and 'The Order of the Phoenix'"), but a guy who likes to cut loose now and again ("I am pretty organized but have been known to spontaneously dance naked in a cloud burst.") However, Shawn-Eric is nothing if not flexible: "Hot tub or fireside.. your call...."

Shawn-Eric enjoys cycling, running, swimming, walking, hiking, weights, football, hockey, and skiing. Add to the mix a healthy love of camping, cooking, dining out, music and concerts, performing arts, the spiritual, travel and sightseeing, and watching sports, "sensual stroll[s] along the beach, the sunset reflected in our eyes as we hold hands and enjoy the tide," and you've got yourself a man that almost no one could resist. He's a catch; someone educated with some college, an associates degree, a bachelors degree, a graduate degree, a PhD, and perhaps a more important education in what Brooks terms the "School of life." His turn-ons include "Tattoos, Body piercings, Skinny dipping, Flirting, Thrills, Public displays of affection, Dancing, Erotica, Candlelight," and last but not least, "Thunderstorms."

But enough about Shawn-Eric. Who does he want? "I am attracted to MASCULINE (sic) men who like what they see in the mirror. You don't have to have washboard abs or guns of steel, but you need to take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Men with a quick smile and a good sense of humor move to the head of the line." In fact, there's only one catch. According to Shawn-Eric's--that is, northcountrydoc's--Match.com profile, you don't have to be white to be his baby. You can be Latino, Middle Eastern, even Native American. But you can't be black or Asian.

To avoid a rush to conclusions, perhaps Shawn-Eric is simply worried about those pop culture phenomena, "you know what they say about black guys," and, conversely, "you know what they say about Asian men." Perhaps Shawn-Eric simply wants his porridge to be "just right." So maybe he's not to be blamed. Nevertheless, we implore Shawn-Eric: open up your heart, love knows no color (except in the South). Just think of all the tattooed, pierced, skinny-dipping, cycling, running, swimming, walking, hiking, weight-lifting, sports-watching, spiritual, travel-loving people you are screening out simply because of their ethnicity. Besides, if all you're worried about is "what they say," then just remember: to date, both remain scientifically unproven.

However, we at TBOC! can't help but wonder: in the second picture, where is your left arm going?

16 Comments:

  • The flavor of this article lies somewhere between ice cream and lemon juice, yet the overall seems something best left at the lemonade stand.

    It is as though the writing suggests there's something wrong with being both educated and sexual, much less to have preferences about sexual compatibility.

    A lot of research was obviously done on Shawn Eric Brooks. Too bad his very essence was so wrongly overlooked. Any person so willing to pursue a love of love and the chance to share it back with others should be applauded, not annihilated. Ironically, the attack is exactly what Shawn is fighting so hard against.

    This blog is embarrassing to all of us who have had the honor and pleasure of meeting Shawn. Perhaps its author should consider getting to know the real person outside dating website profiles.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 12:42 AM  

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